Not Doing So Well

I haven’t posted in quite a while. I’ve had a lot of real-life stuff going on that has just been thoroughly interfering with my ability to do everything I want to be doing. A big part of this is that I’m going through a really bad depression slump and it’s just not going away. (I’m doing everything in my power to get through it and appreciate any support, but not suggestions. I’ve done this dance a thousand times and I know for fact what does and doesn’t work. Thank you for your patience during this time.)

One of the things I’ve been doing to try to take care of myself is going through and decluttering.

Now, it’s unwise to do this with things that hold sentimental value or things that have emotional baggage while you’re in a down-trend for depression or anxiety. To compensate for my mental and physical state, I’ve only been consolidating things that fall into those categories and getting rid of the excess boxes. Another thing I struggle with is not knowing where to take things to get rid of them, so I’ve just been putting the things I’m tossing in a box to go out when I have the capacity to process them.

Despite these crazy struggles, I’ve made a noticeable amount of progress. Here’s something really cool: I was able to sort and destash a full file box of yarn. Being a knitter, and the only knitter in the family right now, I get a LOT of unwanted yarn given to me. Not to be insensitive, but I typically don’t want a dead relative’s stash of scratchy acrylic in Christmas colors. Or Easter colors. Or pink. I REALLY don’t want their stash of worsted weight dishcloth cotton to match everyone’s individual kitchens in a forty mile radius. Knowing these things about myself, I conservatively estimate that 24 or more balls of yarn got destashed and donated to a charity that will use them (I didn’t count while it was going out).

I know that I still have a lot of yarn to still go through and destash, but this sizable dent made a difference in my storage space and helped me to feel quite a bit better about having less stuff that I don’t want in my home.

Keeping to the yarn theme, I also started three projects with the intention of using up yarn in my stash. The one in my lap as I type this is a sweater from a large number of self-striping balls of yarn I had purchased for that purpose. This should clear out about 7 or 8 skeins from my stash and provide something new and cozy to wear. I’m using KnitPicks Felici Sport in the Recess colorway and knitting “on the beach” by Isabell Kraemer (a free pattern). My gauge is off and I don’t have the needles I need to get gauge, so I’m knitting the largest size and hoping it’ll block out big enough to fit me.

I also started a garland of mini-sweaters out of my fingering weight singles (since I can’t knit things that need to be particularly sturdy and long-wearing from them). I have two done so far and hope to clear out some of the Fair Isle patterns from my Ravelry queue this way as well. They’re adorable, take no time at all, and will be really cute strung up around my workspace.

The third project I’m working on is an “Askews Me Shawl” by Stephen West using up several worsted weight luxury yarns and single ply skeins. It’s already so enormous that I have to use two 32″ circulars to knit it and I’m less than half way through the whole thing. It’s huge and squishy and I know that I’ll love it, but I don’t know how much use I’ll get out of it, apart from if I went on a trip to somewhere constantly at or below freezing.

Other than knitting, I’ve been trying to get outside and to exercise as much as possible, but this has been pretty limited due to the heat. It’s been mostly in the triple digits here for the past month, so the only times of day I can get outside locally are between 6am and 10. I’ve gone on a few walks at that time, but it’s rather early in the day for me, so I’ve also driven out of town and up into the mountains to go hiking at more reasonable temperatures. This is limited by gas money and people I can go with (I don’t hike on my own much outside of local trails just to be safe in case of injury). On Sunday, my dad and I went to Loch Leven Lakes Trail up above Cisco Grove, CA. It was an excellent day for a hike.

Lastly, I wanted to mention that I’ve been working to get back into drawing. I cleared out the entirety of my Patreon and revamped it with new EVERYTHING. New pictures, new rewards, new functions. I already have new patrons and the highest level of rewards have been unlocked and are in the works! One of the things I’m doing now is livestreaming when I draw. I try to get on whenever I have time, but my current schedule is to be on Picarto at 6pm PST every Thursday. I’ll be on at that time tomorrow if you’d like to join me. You don’t need an account to tune in. It usually runs for two to three hours.

Thanks for stopping by to read all this. I hope to be writing more blog posts in the near future and getting back into the rhythm of things!


2 thoughts on “Not Doing So Well

    1. Thank you! A lot of it is still working through stuff. The crappy thing about depression is that is doesn’t need a reason and it doesn’t need to make sense. The damage can be mitigated, but sometimes it’s just there and you just keep pushing through until it goes away on its own.
      Today is a bit better and I’ve taken the time to get a few more blog posts written up and scheduled, so that’s helped me keep on top of the icky feelings. Thank you for caring and for taking the time to check in and encourage me! It means a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

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