A Little Bit Greener

I started reading “A Wrinkle in Time” last night. I’d always wanted to, but never got to it when I was younger. The old cover art and the title always intrigued me. (A little bit spoiler-y, but nothing about major plot points, so I don’t know?)

It’s a little slow getting into the first couple chapters as the story ramps up, but some aspects seem uncomfortably fast. Like how quickly the friendship between Meg and Calvin appears out of thin air. Maybe it’s just me, but I rarely meet people in the woods, invite them over for dinner, and have a close enough relationship by the evening to be okay with them being so touchy. And it’s only Chapter 2.

Anyways… Today was a difficult day for realizations. I came to understand myself a bit better and why certain things get me so angry. I find that I don’t feel like I am enough and that a lot of situations I suggest with are directly related to validating that belief.

I have a learning disability, so traditional school has long made me feel like I am not enough if I’m not rising to the expectations of that system. I have a hard time with cold-calls, such as applying for jobs and making phone calls to government offices. It’s especially hard never hearing back or having things unresolved. I feel like I’m just not good enough and didn’t do enough.

It’s hard to realize that about yourself, and hard to combat it. We don’t really live in a society that tells us we are enough or that it’s okay to feel like you’re enough. We are always told to be better and strive for better. While I agree that self-improvement is important, that comes from a place of understanding and acceptance, not self-doubt and self-hatred.

So, today, I’m going to try to tell myself “things are hard, and that’s okay. In this moment, I am enough.”

So, tonight, I leave you with pictures of my new plants and the accompanying selfie.

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